Beginning Again......

In less than 48 hours I will be once again be a wife in this life.  I will no longer have to check the box that decides whether I am merely "single" or actually "widowed."  I will no longer be merely....me, again.

This all comes with beautifully mixed emotions.  That really is the point of this life, isn't it?  The experience of great pain and the rise of such joys.  I've felt quite a few of those in the past 5 years.  I've embraced them and am stronger for them.

The boys and I went to see the new Disney movie "Cinderella" yesterday.  A common quote throughout the movie was, "Have courage and be kind."  That resonated so deeply with me.  It's a whisper that I hear as I navigate through my own grief, my children's grief, my family's grief and even the joyous occasions.  Sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones that bring about the most joy and are the ones that require the most courage to make.

In less than 48 hours I believe I will once again wrap my arms around joy.  I've noticed that little by little the color that was drained from my existence at Steve's passing has slowly been swirling back in.  It hasn't been a rush all at once, but rather a gradual, quiet, oftentimes hard to discern movement much like ink being dropped into a glass of water or smoke swirling up from a lit flame.  Anything loud or sudden would have scared me back into the refuge of my sadness, Heavenly Father knew this and has sent the perfect antidote to my grief- he is patient, kind, silly, wise- he is strong, and most of all he is quiet in the way that he cares for me.  His kindness runs so parallel to the way that I've been loved before that it is comforting and peaceful.  I love him differently than I loved before and this is also comforting, as he reminds me constantly that neither of us is replacing- we are adding to and thus differences are necessary.

In less than 48 hours new beginnings will happen.  The boys are thrilled to be uncles and I am delighted to be a grandmother.  I don't imagine for a moment that it will always be smooth sailing, but then again- why not?  We both have champions on each side of heaven and Earth.  We both have walked through a refiners fire that books are written about.  We both have struggled and prayed, remained faithful and endured.

In the words of Cinderella's beautiful mother on the eve of our new beginning, my prayer as we all walk the path laid out for us by our loving Creator is that we will all "have courage and be kind," for that is the true mark of love and hope.

All my love,
Kami