I have thought and rethought this post at least a bazillion times. It never gets any easier. Tonight I'm just going to go for it and hope that it all makes sense.
Please keep in mind that I'm only speaking from my experiences and from what I've observed/heard, etc.
When Eric and I decided to marry, we discussed at great length that we would have a combined SEVEN children. His oldest is married and has two beautiful children of her own and a delightful husband. They live in a surrounding state, but not close at hand- this makes blending a bit difficult, but not impossible. Add into this a returned missionary turned college freshman, a future missionary who is working diligently to save money for her mission, a high school sophomore and my lot of boys and well......there is never an end to the stories to be told.
At first everyone was on their best behavior- even my lot whose ages range in the more immature realm. We then slowly transitioned into summer chaos that was filled with fun family visits and adventures. I'm not sure we ever got to a "normal" sense of our nuclear family, but I'm learning that normal is relative.
When the "kids" are all together it is fun for the most part of they all tend to divide out into their separate groupings when left for a lengths of time. It happens naturally, as life events have been shared by some and not by all. The immaturity that happens in youth tends to be a bit much for those with a bit more life experience and so drifting is the result. I'm sure there are several psychological books that could be read as to how to force this- but that's just it....I don't want to force the kids to have a relationship with each other. I would rather they choose that for themselves. I have faith this will happen and with time it just may: I've seen glimpses of this and it brings me joy.
This brings me to my biggest fault- patience. Agreeing to God's time in all things is easy when the road is simple ahead. Taking a deep breath and allowing things to unfold is hard when you desperately love all parties involved and yearn for that connection. I feel like I'm always tapping my toe in anticipation.
So we go through our days; trying. Trying to get along. Trying to let one another in. Perhaps even trying to keep each other out. It can be hard to know.
What I do know is this: everyone is trying to do and be the best they can in this situation for which no rules are written. I can honestly say that I love each of the kids and adore the grand-kids that I get to call mine. Time will tell how they chose to love each other, and for now that has to be enough. Unconditional love, prayer and patience is the key to all things worthwhile.
Always-
Kami
